I feel anxiousness taking over my mind and emotions. I am alone, watching TV, at 10 pm in a room in the Margaritaville Resort on Hollywood Beach. I came to visit my sister before the holidays.
It’s been a great day. I rode my Harley in from Gainesville, Florida. Sunshine and clear roads all the way down. I checked into a room on the north side of the hotel. It has views of the ocean and inter-coastal, and I can watch the cruise ships depart from Ft. Lauderdale. Fantastic.
Janet and I got together for dinner. We love each other and always have a good time reconnecting and recounting the good, and not so good, old days of our youth. Parents, friends, schools, jobs, and every other experience life threw our way. It’s all good.
But now I am alone.
For no reason at all, I start thinking again about prostate cancer. It just pops in my mind. Then just like that, the anxiousness hits me like a wave. I feel it beginning to build slowly. I think, “If Kathy were with me, this wouldn’t happen.” Then I say, “There is nothing to be anxious about right now. I’m in a great place, safe, comfortable, and dog-tired from a sixteen-hour day. Breathe.” Then I think back on my time in intensive care with angina. That was over twelve years ago.
My cardiologist told me they were going to “cath” me in the morning. They planned to go into one of my leg’s major arteries with a camera and see the extent of the blockage. If it was possible to place a stent to open the obstructed artery, they would do it. If not, they would bring me back to the room and schedule open heart surgery.
When left alone in my room, this same anxiousness would begin to build. It was Easter weekend. I picked up my Bible and read the passages on Jesus’ resurrection. What struck me was the story of Jesus entering the upper room where all the apostles were huddled together in great fear for their lives.
Jesus saw their fear and said, “Peace be with you.”
From that moment on, whenever I was alone and felt the wave of anxiousness beginning to build, I would picture Jesus sitting right next to my bed. He was calm. I could feel His presence. Sometimes I swear I could see Him. Then He would say to me, “Peace be with you. It’s me. I’m right here with you. I’ve got this. Look at me.”
Right then, everything changes in that hotel room. The waves of fear dissipate. The anxiousness started, and then there was Jesus. No anxiousness. It’s a miracle. I sleep like a baby.
The next morning I walk along Hollywood Beach. The ocean is so calm, it looks like a lake. The weather is perfectly clear and eighty degrees. I’m listening to “Toes” by Zack Brown. The chorus reminds me to stay in the moment. That’s what’s happening right now!
I’m walking at a good pace.
I’m healthy and feeling great. I’m at the beach, and it could not be prettier and more relaxing. Whatever I have to do about this prostate cancer is sometime in the future but not right now. Here’s what Zack Brown sings:
I got my toes in the water, ass in the sandZac Brown
Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand
Life is good today. Life is good today.
Yes, it is. Life is good today.